Answer:
Today, after many days, I can finally identify my feeling. Obviously, I feel lonely, very lonely, because the children who used to play in my garden nowadays don't do it anymore.
Every year, with the arrival of spring, those little ones came to my home to play, have fun and laugh, full of life. But this year, unexpectedly, that didn't happen and I don't know why. And I don't know why for so long I scared and scared them away, when they were just pure, happy and friendly.
Today, I just want those little ones to come back and fill my garden with joy. I just wish I could make amends for so many years of mistreatments, and let those happy children share their kindness with me.